Comedians often talk about those little things everyone knows about, but nobody wants to admit to. That's what makes the funniest comedians the funniest. George Carlin. Robin Williams. John Mulaney. Ellen DeGeneres. They point out those little quirks we all have, but we are too embarassed (or in denial of) to aknowledge.
Today is my birthday (46 years, woo-hoo!) and I'm amazed I'm still alive after all the stupid things I've done. I once stood in a bed of fire ants while they ate me alive just because I was too scared to move. I turned a wheelchair and dirt bike combo into a Roman chariot and almost lost my hand in the subsequent ride. I combined tequila and speed at a party once and woke up 24 hours later in a cold bathtub that was being used to dump melted ice from the coolers of beer. (Hey, at least I can say my life wasn't boring.) So it would seem like today (of all days) I should have zero room to talk about depression. But that's not how life works. Depression doesn't take a holiday just because you have a birthday, get a paycheck, or go to a party. Even if you have an amazing fun-filled day at Disney World, the monster still sits and waits on you at the end of your journey, like a morning hangover after a wild night of partying. So let's get real for a moment and talk about that, and other realities and peccadillos that we all have, but nobody wants to cop to.
Have you ever been scrolling on your Facebook (or social media of any sort) feed and saw a post that you absolutely loved? Maybe it was a hilarious meme, or a witty quote, or the perfect sentiment for your day. You hover your cursor over the "like" button, poised to click, then you jerk your hand away like you've almost touched poison ivy. The person who shared the post is someone you are currently mad at, and if you like it, they will see you liked it, and think you two are okay again. The fact that the post is something you love is irrelevant now; because you don't love the person who posted it. (At least at this moment.)
Another situation: I once posted a quote from one of my favorite books. Paraphrased, it said "Don't dwell on loss, because the things we lose often come back to us in ways we never expected." It got a lot of smiles and comments from people saying "Yes! I needed this today!" I realized later that I hadn't cited the quote's source, but by then I decided it didn't matter. A few months later, I shared it again, and this time I gave credit to it's author. Not suprisingly, many people who liked it before didn't like is this time...because now that they saw it came from the Tao Te Ching, they didn't agree with it anymore. (Because everybody knows unless truth comes from the Bible, it can't really be truth, now can it?)
Am I saying the Bible isn't truth? Hardly. What I am saying is a lot of Christians want to discount anything that doesn't come directly from scripture, even though the loudest proponents of such are often the ones who read scripture the least, and rely solely upon what they think sounds the most "Godly". Many even twist scripture to fit their mold, or best serve the cause they are currenty wanting to promote. Like the image below, which is about the most horrific twisting of the Bible I have ever seen-- Taking a humble, kind, empathetic and loving cupbearer (Nehemiah) and comparing him to a haughty, cruel, magnanimous sciolist like that buffoon in Washington.
(If you are one of the few who shared that post, I probably already unfollowed you. You're welcome.)
Ok, that took a weird turn. Let's get back to the original idea behind this post; the fact that the funniest thing about the best comedians is they call attention to the big ugly white elephant in the room. (And I'm not talking about the oval office in this case.) Because it's my birthday, I have dozens of notifications on my Facebook. On any given day, other than November 4th, I might get about 10 notifications all day long. On my birthday, I will get about 250+ posts, just to say "Happy Birthday". Tomorrow, they will do the same for other people on their friend list.
I used to do it, too.
But why? Why do we do that?
I think it's a combination of two things. One, we are busy people. I know I am. I have to budget my time and sanity (which seem to become less and less the older I get) to those people who live outside my bubble every week. I simply don't have the mental ability or emotional stability to talk with everyone I know at least once a week. But what I can do is when I see you, I can shake your hand and ask "How are you?"
(For the record, anyone and everyone who wished me a happy birthday is special to me, and I love you all for thinking of me today!) :)
What if we all did an exercise this week? I'm serious about this one, too. This is an optional homework assignment, just like I give my kids in Social Psychology class each week. Ready? This week, once a day (or just once, if that's all you can manage) when you give a gratuitous "Happy Birthday" post to someone, or if you pass them in the store and say "How are you?", instead of just accepting "Fine" in response, I want you to stop and talk to them. It may be uncomfortable for you, especially if you haven't actually talked to them in a while. It may be uncomfortable for them, too. Especially if they haven't seen you take an interest in their day in a while.
But do it.
If you are going to ask "How are you?", don't make it rhetorical. Make it real. Show a genuine concern for the person. Put yourself in their world for a few minutes and share in/bear their joys and burdens.
There may be someone out there who needs that, desperately.
Maybe it's their birthday, and this is the only day anyone will speak to them, and those few interactions will only be through a computer-prompted social media post.
Recently, someone told me "I'm so sad. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I know I'd hurt people if I did, and I can't bear to hurt anyone." Needless to say, I cried with them, and made sure they knew that I was here for them. There are days when I have felt the same way.
Someone in your life might be in the same boat, and you are the one person they will speak to today day who might offer more than just a rhetorical "How are you?" Maybe you can be the difference they have been looking for. The evidence that they matter.
Be that person.
Class dismissed.
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