Different Colors - Day 27

 

"Someone being given rights they didn't have before does not mean less rights for you."

One of my friends from high school is trans. Born male, and now lives as a female. Her pronouns are she/her. She is pansexual, but identifies closer to bisexual on most days. I was having a conversation with her the other day online, and I asked her what was the hardest part of living as a trans woman, for her. She talked about a few of the challenges, but in the end, some things she said stuck out to me...and they were messages she wanted to convey to men and women of cisgender who, like she has experienced all too often, are critical of who she is and how she lives. I'm stealing a few of her quotes here, so bear with me:

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"For men who say they are worried I will come onto them at a bar without revealing my being trans, then when we get back to their place, there I am in all my glory, let me make this clear: I paid well for my breast implants, but chose to stop there and not go any lower. I am aware I look very feminine, and I'm proud of that fact. But I have worked so hard for acceptance; way too hard to risk being hurt. Trans women are frequent victims of violence by men who didn't know what they were getting into, and to make sure I never endure that, I am honest about who I am from the get-go. Also, if you are worried about getting me home and finding out things you don't want to find out, you obviously are only interested in one thing, and I'm not looking for that kind of relationship. Thanks in advance for your understanding."

"No, my life does not revolve around sex. Does yours? If so, wow, you must be very fascinating."

"Just because I am trans does not mean I am gay. I'm bi, but not all of us are. We identify in many different ways, and if you are uncertain, ask...respectfully."

"I'm not sure if the person I marry will be male or female gendered. I do know they will be human, and that's what matters."

"My family knows about me. Those who approve are still in my life, those who don't, aren't. I don't regret either."

"I use the restroom marked women. I pee sitting down unless the toilet is filthy. Why that fascinates so many of you, I have no idea." 

"I can rock a suit, as most women can. I prefer dresses, though, because pants are annoying."

"Accidentally calling me by the wrong pronouns but being willing to learn is totally fine. As long as I see you are making an effort. Calling me by the wrong pronouns (and by my dead name) because you are refusing to accept who I am is hurtful, and mentally destructive. Please, show some kindness."

"I am a Christian. God made me how I am, therefore I am perfect in His sight. I am also so proud He finally gave me the courage to be the person he made me to be."

"Not every trans person is going to agree with everything I say and feel about me personally. We are all different, and that's what makes the world we live in both dangerous, and beautiful."