I'm so, so sorry.

 

I'm sorry. With all my heart. For so much of what I did and said. More on that in a moment.

The other day I was listening to a podcast, and one of the guests, a transgender guy (born female, now male) was talking about the day he came out to his parents. That morning, before his parents woke up, he went through his closet and packed all his clothes that were feminine in any form into boxes marked for donation. What he was left with was a handful of t-shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, and not much else. He took a deep breath, said goodbye to the girl he had been expected to embody for 15 years, and went downstairs wearing jeans and a heavy metal band shirt. He asked his mom and dad if he could talk to them for a few minutes.

After pouring his heart out, pleading for understanding, and holding firm to who he was, he waited for them to respond. His mother burst into tears and left the room. His father spoke calmly, but with the intent of showing he would not back down either:

"You asked us to not say anything until you had finished, and now I expect the same from you as I tell you how I feel about this on a factual level." Dad said.

"The fact you have rejected your gender means you have rejected who God planned you to be; that tells me you value yourself more than you value God."

"You reject your gender with pride, and with a happiness surrounding this new identity. That tells me you do not feel remorse or shame about rejecting God's plan."

"You show unwavering support for others doing the same thing, and that tells me you are encouraging others to reject God's gift as well, as they see fit."

"Evidence of salvation in Christ is shown by our humility, and our recognition that we have sinned. People who are saved may stray, but they know what they are doing is wrong. You seem to see nothing wrong with what you are doing--so this tells me you are not saved as we believed and as you claimed to be."

"You have said that you have no plans to ever go back to who you were, even though I say you still are that, whether you want to be or not."

"Because you have rejected God's gift, rejected God's plan, have no remorse or shame for it, and have no plans to ever repent, it tells me you have chosen the flesh over God, and over us."

"Satan roams the earth seeking to devour who he may. You have chosen the flesh and the world over God, which means that you have chosen Satan. You embrace Satan--with open arms. And that means you are bound for Hell. And since you show no shame or remorse, it means you are likely beyond redemption."

"My daughter has chosen Hell." he said, refusing to honor his request to be called son. "She has chosen Satan. She has chosen the flesh. And she will probably die condemned. Permanent separation from God and from us for all eternity. You are bound for Hell, by your own choice."

After he finished speaking, the young man cried as he ascended the stairs to his room. Not because he believed he was bound for Hell, but because he still loved Jesus, and his father had just claimed his love for Christ and his family was a lie.

~~~

I'm writing this blog post to apologize. For years I taught children in church and conveyed to them as they began their prepubescent years that God did not approve of homosexuality and I painted images of when he incinerated Sodom and Gomorrah. I made children fear God's wrath at homosexuality, and when I taught teenagers in the church, I did the same thing. I shamed the LGBTQ+ community, and said they were rejecting God and turning to sin. I told them that homosexuality was a more detestable sin than others, and to accept it or defend it was to defend sin and Satan.

I made children and teenagers (who might have been secretly feeling they might be gay or trans in some form) feel that they were perverted and corrupt. I shamed them for their feelings, and hurt their hearts in the process. I hurt their hearts because I was a figure they trusted--someone they looked up to--and I told them that these feelings were sinful and shameful if they were having them.

I know one person on my friend list who was one of my church kids who is now openly and outwardly trans. I hope he can forgive me for what I said back then.  I hope others will as well, who I may not know, or have not come out yet.

I support you. 

I have no doubt there are people in the church who will read this and immediately go to I Timothy 4:1 and say this is evidence I have rejected God. 

So be it. I choose the love that Christ asked us to show to all, and empathy for those who have been made to feel ashamed.

I choose the hearts of those children who are now adults and young adults.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for who I was and how I made you feel. You deserved so much more understanding and support. 

I offer it now, without condition or reservation.